a little bit of everything

I like how every time I walk outside after spending the whole time reading something in Art His, everything just doesn't seem real in the clear color of afternoon sunlight. There's something in the air that anything it touches becomes softer, lighter. Like something has melted. How do I put it...a mellow feeling formulated from trains of miscellaneous thoughts. Kinds of thoughts that if somebody asked you "What' cha thinking?", for sure you would answer "nothing".

There is nothing much to tell in particular. A regular week. If there were something irregular, it would be that I was so tired from lack of sleep. The day before I went to court for roommate's wedding ceremony at court, I couldn't sleep until 5, and I had to wake up at 10. Showered then left the house at about 11. Had nothing in my stomach until I got home at about 4 after we were all stuck because the car was stuck. Had a bowl of Korean instant noodles, lied down for 30 mins and then I had to leave for school at 5'10. Got out of class at 6.45. Then went with Ba's family (well, now it includes roommate) to a Chinese buffet. Had some pieces of sushi and a little bit food. Got home finally and stomach began to ache. Jumped to the bathroom when roommate was about to leave and there went my buffet haha. Dozed off 'till 10 then got up to do some Calc exercise to prepare for the quiz today. Finally I couldn't bear it anymore and went to bed at 2. Though I was tired like hell, couldn't sleep. I had to got up again and made myself a cup of sleepy time tea, comforting myself that sleep would find me soon. When I'm exhausted, not being able to sleep freak me out.

There was a tornado that hit St.Louis last week. Lambert airport, which is about 5' min by car away from my apartment, got damaged severely. All the glass windows were broken when the strong wind blew. Luckily, no one seemed to get hurt or seriously injured. And more luckily, the tornado didn't sweep through the area where my apartment is. I didn't even know the tornado was that strong and dangerous though I knew there would be one that day. After it's gone and everything was on the news, I thought to myself "what if it hit my place?". I shuddered. I was by myself that day.

I've become a girl with no opinions of her own. I didn't mean to. It just happened that way. Say, they usually ask me "where do you want to eat?" and I usually answer "anywhere, I don't care". And by saying "I don't care", I mean I really don't care. I don't go out for meals often enough to make out the differences between this one and that one to pick so, what's the matter?

Ohm, I don't seem to have anything else to tell. And hey, why am I the only one typing my daily life out? How about "các bạn thân" Trúc mập, Hiền đàn ông and Hà cô em kinh tế over there?

sau khi nhận sách

Mình chỉ muốn nói là dù thế nào đi nữa mình cũng sẽ quay trở về đó.

Dù ba mẹ mình có hay lục đục khiến nhiều khi mình thật hận đời.

Dù Linh nhiều khi nói mấy câu làm mình tức muốn nổ mắt.

Dù cho Sài Gòn nóng hổi làm mặt mình nhờn như quỷ.

Dù tới lúc Thủ Đức, quận 9, Phước Bình chẳng còn điều gì mới lạ.

[tạm thời chưa biết dù cái gì nữa]

.......

Và mình sẽ quay mặt vào tường khóc thật nhiều, nói rằng mình ghét ba mẹ khi hai người cãi nhau.

Và mình sẽ bực bội, nói xấu Linh "một chút" với đám bạn.

Và mình sẽ tốn thật nhiều sữa rửa mặt với kem chống nắng.

Và mình sẽ lui tới những nơi đã trở thành tiệm ăn quen, quán nước quen, con đường quen với những con người cũ rích.

[và tạm thời chưa biết sẽ gì nữa]

.......

Dù từ giờ đến lúc đó còn rất nhiều điều vẫn đang là bí mật, và có biết bao nhiêu thứ không thể nói trước. Nhưng tất cả mọi thứ sẽ đưa mình trở về. Vì dù thế nào, nước mắt mình rơi hay tiếng cười thật lớn, cũng đều vì những người mình mong mở mắt ra là có thể nhìn thấy hằng ngày.

sunday night by myself

So I cried my eyes out watching "Heaven and Earth". Great story. Deep down from the bottom of my heart, I feel how lucky I am to be born under a peaceful sky. No war. No killings. No pain from love shattered by bombs and guns. Le Ly did love Steve. She loved him with a true love of a woman. But "peace is not the end of war between a man and a woman, between heaven and earth". If only there had been a way out for Steve...

It is raining outside. I knew it by watching from the window. Second year here and I haven't got used to how rain made no sounds at all yet. It's just strange, like you're watching a movie with a mute button on, you know what's going on but you don't really get it. I miss the sweet solemnity you've only got when hearing the sound of rain and how you could get some kind of romantic ways of thinking in rainy seasons. And the momentary loneliness during a bus ride from school until I got home and had dinner with my parents (though they had good days and bad days)

Roommate didn't even stay home tonight, which is a Sunday night. She just dropped off groceries at then went with her boyfriend again. It's ok for me in a way that I can have the whole place to my own (so that I can exercise at night before going to bed) but in another way, I'm kinda seeing a distance growing between us. I don't know if I used the right word here, "distance", but definitely we aren't like before and again, it's all a matter of sudden.

When I want to talk, I want somebody to always be there. I want to be able to talk non-stop about the most silly things and laugh as much as I can about jokes no one else can get (I was gonna say "laugh until I cry" but it sounds quite cheesy here). All I want is the feeling of belonging, which is a little bit hard to find right now, I guess.

Have you noticed that each of us now have a different story? I mean, it's no longer our stories, can you see it? A part of growing up is being apart from those whom you used to see everyday. Sometimes, each of us can't do nothing for the others. We just can't always know the right things to do, the right words to say and sometimes, we may even run out of things to tell. But it's ok because once we get together, just the same old good stories are enough to fill up our time and space. I hope we all are on the right track.

Let's get a lot of things done this week.

I'll be home soon.

something nostalgic

Finished watching Secret Garden.

Finished reading "Goodbye Tsugumi".

Seriously, didn't think Secret Garden would get so intense at the part Joo Won decided to exchange their bodies when Ra Im was unconscious and the part when Joo Won relived the accident in the elevator. Jeez, it was so intense that it drained me out. The drama was...bizarre. I don't quite grab what it was that gives you a funny look on your face "something felt funny" and hence you have to keep watching until the last episode. Huyn Bin was too handsome though. And his skinny looking has completed the role of a not-normal-CEO. Hahaha, I'm in love again now.

And Tsugumi didn't die after all. She just almost died. I like it, a sweet little book. I was very much immersed in the images in my head while I was reading during Art His class and when I stepped outside, the scene around me didn't seem real. Those thoughts of Maria (the narrator in the story, Tsugumi's cousin), I can get really related. Maybe because we are at about the same age, first year in college and have this special feeling when we have to say goodbye to something and move on to another stage of life. There is always a "last summer" in everybody's life, I guess. The point that wraps up all the things before it and you know no matter where you are and what you grow up to, you will always think back to that time when you hardly ever think about anything again and again...What is it about summer that always make us want to look back?

I'm still worried about my Art His grade though it is not helping right now.

And suddenly things are getting awkward between roommate and me. What the hell I don't know. We could be sitting there and a great heavy silence fell into the room that I almost wish her boyfriend would come pick her up soon. But she mostly spends the nights at her boyfriend's anyway. I just got this thinking not too long ago, and maybe it's just me not her, this apt feels like a station. She drops by to take a nap, shower, take everything she needs and goes. Sometimes I get this uneasy feeling that she goes home only to do the cooking, which means if I took care of it or if I weren't here, she wouldn't have to. And because we shared money for grocery and her boyfriend takes her to go food shopping on the weekends, I feel somewhat uncomfortable when she doesn't eat much the food she cooked.

Mr. Tùng was right. Nobody would consider you a grown-up if you couldn't make yourself a decent meal. [sighing the longest sigh]

Another lame Uni Studies class tomorrow at 9.30. Only 3 more to go after this one and I'll get my complete three-day weekend back.

a guy whom I know and never know

I am so sleepy right now. Just got done with 2/3 of Macroecon studying for the test on Thurs. This kind of stuff is much easier to remember than Art His. Speaking of Art His, I'm kinda worried now. Don't want to get a non-A grade for this class, wondering when my dear professor throws out the other 3 extra credits.

There is this guy living in the Meadows, I don't even know his name. He usually puts on his military-green jacket when it's chill out. He wears black framed rectangular glasses on his round face. He's a little bit chubby you can tell, but nobody can say he's fat in a negative way. He looks like Doremon to me and always smiles at me and nods his head as "hello there" when he sees me, which I really have no clue why. He's the kind of person that when looking at him for the first time, there's no way you can think of him as a jerk or bastard or some bad guy. The smile, the face, the glasses, the silhouette of his bring me the impression "oh, nothing's gonna go wrong. Everything will work themselves out, no need to rush". He's one of those many people that know you and you know him but you two never know each other's name or what he does or how old he is. You just know he is there. And it is nice just to know he's there in his easily recognizable appearance, to see him somewhere during a day, and to think to yourself "why the hell does he always smile at me?".

I've come to the part when Tsugumi and Kyoichi met in "Goodbye Tsugumi". The book is getting sweeter. But the ending won't be so happy, Tsugumi will die, that's why the book is named "Goodbye Tsugumi" anyway. But the point of watching a drama or reading a book is not to know who would end up with whom (common', it's too obvious), but how it comes to the ending you already knew. (Perhaps Haruki is an exception, you never know what he's getting at)

Blogging seems addictive these day, doesn't it?

And Huyn Bin is just too handsome to handle.

I hope someday, somebody we always dream would step into each of us's life and stay there. Like Hiền said, someone who would put up with us and make us happy when we're down.

Sweet dreams my only readers in this world!

I don't even know why I am so pissed right now

When I grow up, I don't want to beg people for jobs. Yeah, maybe when I'm actually a grown-up, I will have to think about it, about begging people for jobs, but right now, I just want to shout out loud : "I don't want to beg people for jobs." What the hell !!! And what does my sister have to do with my getting a job at school? Ok, if she were still here, it would make some sense and you wouldn't need you to tell me what to do. But common', she's not freakin here right now, ok? Give me a break.

Seriously, I don't want to get involved with anyone in VSA. We may hang out once in a while, but let's keep it that way. I have no intention to go further. I'm not that kind of people who discriminate their own nation but hey, I don't care where the hell you are from, if I don't like you, then I don't like you, that's all.

If we try hard enough, can we just not have to care about all those people we don't want to care?

Will we have enough strength to try hard just enough? Will we fight 'till the end?