tuyết không rơi vào đêm Giáng sinh

Nghỉ ở nhà một tuần, tôi chẳng làm gì nhiều hơn là ngủ và vật vờ. Thật ra, cũng có những buổi sáng tôi thức dậy lúc giữa trưa, bò ra khỏi giường chui vào nhà tắm rồi mặc quần áo, đi bộ đến thư viện. Ở đó, tôi xếp government document lên kệ, những tập tài liệu gần như không khi nào được check out nhưng cũng không thể vứt bỏ vì trong đó lưu giữ lại những việc xảy ra hằng ngày của một đất nước. Điều đó làm tôi nghĩ đến mẹ. Vì nhà tôi cũng đầy rẫy những tài liệu như thế và chị em tôi luôn gào lên mỗi khi dọn dẹp nhà cửa. Có hôm tôi ăn một chút gì đó trước khi ra khỏi nhà. Có hôm tôi cứ thế xông ra khỏi cửa. Mẹ không có ở đây để cằn nhằn về chuyện ăn uống của tôi.

Đã lâu rồi tôi không đọc sách. Cuốn sách be bé Kira Kira hồi đầu học kì còn siêng năng bỏ vào balô mang đi học, trong khi chờ giáo viên đến lôi ra đọc vài trang, được mấy bữa rồi thôi, đến giờ vẫn chưa xong. Tôi tính đọc The Lake, vì đó là cuốn sách về hai người gặp nhau trong khi nhìn ra cửa sổ. Chẳng biết có hay nhiều như tôi đã tưởng tượng không, nhưng việc nhìn thấy nó nằm yên ắng trên bàn cũng đủ khiến tôi thấy yên tâm vì mãn nguyện.

Tôi cũng không chụp hình nhiều như trước nữa. Phần lớn là máy Sony người ta tặng mẹ cứ giựt giựt mỗi khi cần. Phần nhỏ là ít khi đi đâu hoặc làm gì cảm thấy muốn chụp hình. Đôi khi đứng trước gương, tự thấy mình cũng dễ thương thì cũng cầm máy nhá nhá vài tấm, và nhiều khi không bao giờ đưa ảnh vào laptop. Những người mau chán vẫn thường như thế đó.

St.Louis chưa có tuyết rơi thật sự bữa nào. Đêm Noel mà cũng không khác gì đêm hôm qua hay đêm hôm kia. Dù sao cũng thèm Kbbq với sushi. Hay có một tô bánh canh cua càng tốt. Chả hiểu bị gì mà dạo này thèm bánh canh cua hơn thèm phở.

Có lẽ tối nay tôi nên pha trà và nằm dài trên sofa đọc sách trước khi đi ngủ.

Những ngày này, tôi không viết được nhiều.

well,

I don't know. I'm a little bit down today. Yesterday too. Finals all went ok. I got two A's already.

My right wisdom tooth is hurting me again.

Mướp left tonight. I called her by google call. It was sweet of her to say that she's afraid she won't be able to talk to me much. It always feels good to know that you have real best friends around you, you know?

Ok, the fact is, damn, I like him. Not good. Cuz I was always trying to deny it to myself but now, I have to admit it. I don't know, the fact that I like him that much to be able to admit to myself kinda knocks me off my feet a little bit. It's cool and it's sad at the same time when we do care about each other without promising anything. We have nothing to promise to each other anyway. You know, I haven't got to my twenties, he hasn't had his career yet and we don't belong to a same place. I guess that's the most uncool part. I guess...

Well, what always happens? Life.

Have the best of the nicest time of the year you guys.

I'll get better stories for you later.

Summer

And yesss, I'm sooo done with unix. Final day and a guy freakin stole my seat. Common' people, why does it always have to be me? Anyway, I actually feel good about the exam. Hope my professor will feel the same way.

So I've got Java tonight and Comp. Arch. and Org. tomorrow night and then sushi at Drunken Fish with him. Mannn you have no idea what I've been eating for the past week. I've even thought that I will throw up what I cooked while eating some day. So yeah, all I think about all day long is salmon @.@

I'm still waiting for that letter from International Student Office to apply for my social security number to work. I'm gonna work for my camera, that's pretty exciting. Once I get my camera, you guys will get to know what he looks like hahha.

And it is pretty clear now the handsome Hispanic butcher guy's been hitting on me. Trust me, he's handsome and has the cutest big smile and he always saves that smile for me. (I was gonna say "for only me" but Thảo Nguyên and I keep saying we're gonna rình him someday to see if he does that to anyone else but we never did). At first I thought he was good-looking and that was all and now I just feel awkward and uncomfortable if I pass by the butcher's and the sea food section. Feel like I'm put into the spotlight. No, they put me into the spotlight. Mann, it's a freakin asian market and now I can't even feel comfortable walking in. Anyway, when Thảo Nguyên is not here anymore, I don't think I'm gonna see him again.

500 days of summer came back to me all of a sudden thanks to youtube suggestion. The final conversation just hit me slowly but deeply. And I know it is totally irrelevant, but somehow I have this thinking that, maybe he's not my Tom but I'm probably his Summer. Or we both are Summer to each other. If it is so, then I'm cool with it. Cuz then, no one will break down after we part and every one will find their Autumn somewhere along the road. Cuz yes, you have to be through many Summers for that one Autumn to come. Make it worth it. Everything will figure itself out and make perfect sense in the end. So will every Summer in our life.

Ukie dukie, guess it's time for some last Java wrap-ups.

Get online some times while I'm in break. After Wednesday night and I'm ready for late night conversations. Heck yeahhh!!

ok?

Hello world!
How have you been?

Today is the very last school day of this semester. I have 5 finals to go. It would be nothing if I knew what to do for Unix. He said he would forget my ugly first test if I do GREAT on this final. He's nice in a way that he's giving me a chance but I'm still like "why dont you just fail me already?". He's still a not-too-cool person to me.
And yeah it keeps getting easier and easier whenever I'm with him. I dont know. It even crossed my mind that if he asked, I might say yes. I want to experience something called impulsive love. But he never will. And I won't have a chance to take a little risk. Oh well, what can I do? This is not the case that I could just say yes without him asking me. I think he likes me, i mean likes me in a romantic way, even just a little bit. But again, we're girls, we would love to live in fantasy hundred times a day. We're young, nothing's certain. For sure man.

And yes, Mướp is pathetic using her fan to cool her laptop. I'm even more pathetic, I had to bring my laptop outside in the cold to stop it from making that obnoxious noise when it gets hot. Những cô bé nghèo khổ thích mua sắm. Can't believe she's leaving for Vietnam next week. I'm almost too sure that she has so much to do that she wont get online often, or even when there's nothing to do, getting online for hours when you're home-home sounds like the lamest thing in the world.

And I, I can't wait for the break. Not that I'm too eager to do almost next to nothing for the whole 4 weeks off, I just don't want to spend my weekday nights doing schoolwork anymore.

I keep wanting new shoes.

And Phuong Hien, when she deactivates her facebook, you know something's wrong again. Hiền à, you're right, everything is a definition that get affected by time. Things meant to be gone, they fade away. Things meant to shine, they sparkle even in daylight. I don't know how I just made that up but sounds nice, doesn't it? So don't be too upset about anything.

Okayy, bed time!

Enjoy your weekend while I'm fighting with math and computer sci, ok?

Make sure to wash your hair everyday, ok?

Ok. G'bye g'night!

i am sleepy

So next week is the last week of school this semester, then comes the final exam week. Yup, sophomore year is half way through already. Time flies time flies.

I can tell we've been real busy. Facebook has some quiet days and I haven't been following any shows or dramas for the longest time or had time to finish that little book "kira kira".

All the streets in Saigon must have been lit up with lights and decorated with all kinds of Christmas stuff. Christmas season in a tropical city has never lost its exciting vibe. Remember those days when we were soooo excited to buy tons of cards and then give them to each other on the day of Christmas eve? I have stopped doing so since high school. Christmas those years, it felt like something was missing. Maybe this year, I should start the annual ritual over again. Just like the good old days huh? And we're gonna have better new days.

November is over. Wondering if season of the broken hearts has ended too. Well not that my heart was broken but knowing somebody who's having one isn't too good of a feeling either. But yeah, there will always be something like that, something that no words could ease the pain. Time will do its job and you will know what to do in time. Something like, having a broken heart...

ah, and I think I've got a job in the library. Sasa won't work there next semester so she introduced me in. And to tell the truth, it works the same way everywhere. The more people you know, the more advantage you gain. This is called "networking". Too bad I'm not sociable enough to spread my network that wide.

oh, and I trimmed my bangs the other day. Turned out ok, I mean I didn't làm quá like that hyper time in high school. Maybe I will trim my bangs on my own from now on while growing my hair.

Mann I dont think I can keep my eyes open much longer. So this is goodbye for now.

oh, and I enjoyed my 4 days in NJ. And by that, I think I have grown up a little bit more, into a girl who knows more about who she is. This is pretty cool I have to say.

Ok, real bye bye now.

Let's be productive this weekend.