awake

It's 1.24am here and I cant freakin sleep. Reaching out for my still-not-working cell phone to read some Y!M saved conversations, I had no intention of coming across those conversations I had with him. All of the sudden, everything about him came back to me so vividly that it was like a dream. When I think about it, there are no pictures of us together after more than 10 months. How strange it is. Sometimes I wonder "So what's gonna show later that he was my big dad and I was his little daughter ? What's gonna tell that we shared some sweet moments ? There were not many of which and we have no pictures together, what's gonna remind me not to forget his face someday ?" All I have are those tiny conversations, virtual but the only proof showing me what we had was real.

So this is what it's like when someone is not around, when there are no footsteps of theirs set on any roads, when they are now just an idea that cant be captured. They vanish. Like smoke.

You try to picture their faces in your mind but still you cant see them clearly.

You want to pick up the phone, dial the number just to say hi and hear his voice "hi my sweetie"

You attempt to keep all images you can recall but somehow they will turn blurry before you even start noticing.

Isn't it strange when somebody does not exist in this world anymore?