truth.

I still think I like reading and writing. The kind of reading for adventures of emotions and the kind of writing for airing feelings out.

I think I like to cook. When I'm not stressed out by school, cooking and cleaning up the kitchen are quite fun. I like to eat, of course, but my best people to eat with are not here with me. 

I like to watch movies and shows. But what I like more is to have someone to do so with me and to talk about the characters like we actually know them in real life. 

I like tea and coffee. I drink coffee only once in a while but its aroma always calms me down. And tea brings me that refreshing and cozy feeling. Holding a mug of hot tea in hand is how I tell myself that "everything's gonna be just fine". But it would be so much better to have tea with someone, to have those words spoken by that person and to be made believe that it's how it's going to be.

I don't know how to do anything cool like playing sports or musical instruments. Well I once knew how to play keyboard but the tutor was mean so I quit and now I have no talent to show off.

I know I'm scared sometimes. I'm scared that I forgot how to bring myself close to other people, I forgot how to make friends and forgot how to let people in. 

I want to ask JL why he hit that "add friend" button and started talking to me like it's a natural thing to do. We never talked in real life before, or even now we barely get the chance. And not that I have that friendly look on my face, let alone there are days that I thought if I were other people looking at me, I would actually see the gloominess coming off in shape of a dark cloud around me. But I don't wanna get too personal towards him unless he lets me know that's what he wants to, so I'll restrain myself. He's a great guy in many ways I imagine a great guy should be, and I can't deny that even it's the faintest hope that he will ever have feelings for me, it's still lingering like a little secret sprouting inside me. And I know if it's not the case, I'll still be happy to have known such someone.

I seriously think I will have to write about us some time. These years and these changes blossoming inside us like a really personal spring that we can only share to some certain people, those that we never have to let in because they've always been a part of our world. We are still so young and confused, and I can't tell if this confusion will subside in a year or two, or even a much longer time, but I'm glad at this moment, we're confused, and together. What will become of these 8 months I have left here, I don't know. I doubt anything really significant is going to happen but after this, I believe home will happen. So will we and life. 

After all, we're only 20. And 20 is a confusing age.