How do you define a person? How do you tell if the person you know is there. I've been watching Grey's Anatomy again and there are some cases the patient is breathing with machine help and the doctors tell the family that the person they know is not there anymore. I mean, how do you know exactly?
So this morning, I was heading downstairs to shelve books, the police officer was coming towards my way. We never really talked. I don't know his name and I doubt he knows mine. I saw him and he saw me. I continued to walk my way. He said how come I always walk past him without saying hi, it makes him feel like I'm angry. I told him I usually walk straight without looking around, and then greeted him. To tell the truth, I went to Nguyên's birthday party last night and some guy there got on my nerves a little bit and it still bugged me this morning, so yeah, indeed I was a little bit angry this morning. The officer seems friendly. He likes to talk to people. But I'm not friendly. And I don't just talk to people if I don't know them to a certain level because I can't think of anything to say. And I mean it, I literally have nothing to say.
I don't know why I'm feeling pissed/annoyed after his comment on my attitude. Properly he was right. I should have just said hi. But I didn't. And what he said bothers me still. I have a tendency of not trying to keep "bubble" connections. Whenever talking to someone, I want to pay real attention and interest to what they say. I want to say what I mean. But what's the big deal about saying hi? I don't know. I don't know why I didn't say hi to him. I don't know if I'm feeling this way because I think he's right but I don't wanna be wrong or because I think he shouldn't have made my Friday some what unpleasant with his comment since we don't really know each other anyway. I don't know if it's not right to not be friendly.
So what defines a person? Is my cold/impolite/rude attitude gonna be the officer's perception of me now? I'm just afraid that I don't know how to know a person anymore and what makes it worse is that I'm not putting effort into it. I feel like I've fallen out of line, the line that connects people together in a circle and I'm not in it. The people inside would look at me with a frown "what is she doing drifting out there?". And that's scary. To think that you're not in the circle and to wonder if you've forgotten how to be in are scary. Because you don't know if the real you is the one inside or outside that circle.
I went out for bubble tea with Cuong and Thuy today. Trung doesn't want to have anything to do with Thuy anymore because of some dramas so he didn't go. At the party yesterday, it looked like everyone there knew about their dramas and that surprised me. I guess gossips about drama travel pretty fast huh? And they still called Thuy and sent someone to pick her up and then she came and then no one really wanted to talk to her. Why would you do that? If you don't like someone then don't get involved with that person and make he/she feel uncomfortable by acting noble. It's not noble. It's arrogant. It's fake. It's the generator of crappy drama while you're giving yourself the excuse that you're being cool. I personally think Thuy is alright. There are some misunderstandings that you just can't justify yourself because the obvious things on people's mind are just against you. I'm not particularly close to her nor do we know each other enough to share things but whenever I see her, we have decent conversations. I don't know if she's not trustworthy as Trung said but after I saw what I saw last night, I don't think they are any better. They say Thuy is fake, but what about them? Did they sincerely want Thuy to come over? I don't think they didn't. I know they didn't.
It's getting late. I should get started with homework.
Blogging is still worth wasting time on though.
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