a really hot Saturday and the dryer didn't dry my clothes and I saw a turtle crawling on the ground

So, the thing is, turns out, he's seeing a girl. The moment he spelled it out, I just wanted to get out of the car and go back to my room. I didn't say anything during the ride and when we sat across each other at the tea place. I smiled, and occasionally went "uh huh" to respond to whatever story he was telling. Didn't even look at him in the eyes. What the hell, all I was thinking, why did you even said you wanted tea? You know, you didn't have to do this. You're trying to be nice and stay in touch, but hell no, you should've told me the first day you started anything with her, rather than saying it out of the blue with that casual manner when someone says "I just had dinner" or "I went grocery shopping this morning".

Now it made sense. I mean the last call from a month ago, I finally got it. He was confirming the fact that we're friends, to make it clear to me that for him, I'm a friend. I don't usually curse on blog or fb, but fuck that. Just say it. Just say you're seeing someone else. I would take it more easily. I would be more ok. I would say "congratulations" and ask about her like a friend would have.

I wasn't hoping there would be anything between us. And I thought when one of us start seeing someone, we would be honest and tell each other in the the first place. Not like this. Not like you said you wanted tea and I asked if we could have it at your place and then you said you wanted to go somewhere else and then you picked me up and went "I was seeing this girl so it wouldn't be a good idea to have you come over". No, people don't that Ben. I didn't know exactly what this feeling was, but Yen spelled it out and I was like "ahhhhh". You hurt my pride. You made me feel stupid. And I wanted say "no I won't" to reply to your "stay in touch" when you dropped me off. Though I didn't, I think I won't.

Oh well, I guess I should wish you a happy relationship if you're in a relationship now. And since we've been this way already, it's unnecessary to say we shouldn't hang out. We'll see each other in class and I hope it's the only time we meet. No more long calls and late hang out and random tea times.

You came when I was 19 and you're gone after I turned 20. That's neat.

Và tao muốn nói với tụi bây là, dù có chuyện gì xảy ra tao sẽ luôn nói cho tụi bây biết. Lúc ngồi trong xe tao chỉ nghĩ đến tao muốn nói chuyện với tụi bây. Tao đã text với Yến và bây giờ t thấy ok. Giống như tao bực mình hơn là buồn, bởi vậy không sao hết. Mấy cuốn sách tao đặt mua đã tới nên tao sẽ dành thời gian đọc sách. Tao đợi hình tụi bây đi ăn sushi về :)

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Ôi trời ơi, while I was playing gardenscape and thinking about it, it just came to my mind that it's gonna be so awkward when school starts. I'm not talking about seeing each other in class since we won't get many chances to say more than "hi how are you" anyway. The problem is, I will move into anh Trung's house next month, which is like a few houses a way from his. It's like my house and bom's house in vietnam or even a shorter distance. And apparently, we have class together on Mon and Wed, that means a big chance bumping into each other on they way to school or back home. Omgoodness, cuộc đời sao bao trái ngang, mà nhất là cuộc đời Thảo. What am I gonna do? When things get awkward between me and someone, my communication skills just fall apart. Even I can tell that the person can tell my smile is so fake. My brain won't come up with anything to say and my mouth wouldn't even want to speak up any word. This is exactly the situation when you just want to hit your head into the wall. I don't want him to think that I follow after him. Anh Trung's house just happens to be right that corner. Seriously I don't wanna be near him anymore and now we're going to walk the same way back and forth every day. If this were a joke, it would be a really bad one that makes you laugh because there's nothing funny. What if I run into his girlfriend one day, which is way too possible now?

Tuổi 20 sao mà mở ra những câu chuyện mới quá. Vừa mới lớn lên một lần nữa thì đã xảy ra chuyện để mình chứng tỏ là mình đã lớn. Mày nói đúng đó Bom, hãy nhìn mọi thứ đến với mình như một cơ hội để mình làm điều gì đó hơn là những điều xui xẻo mặc dù có thể nó đúng là những điều không hay thiệt. Cuộc sống của tao lúc này cho đến lúc tao về nhà, tao sẽ cố gắng để trở nên độc lập hơn. Tao không muốn để cảm xúc của mình có chút nào phụ thuộc vào người khác khi tao chưa ổn định về nơi ở. Tao không thích những thứ không chắc chắn. Và khi tao quyết định không muốn người nào can thiệp quá nhiều vào cuộc sống của tao, thường thì tao sẽ làm được. Ngày mai của những ngày mai sẽ tới, đúng không?