Tomorrow is the 4th week of school, after that spring break is 5 weeks away. I'm counting week by week, isn't it clear that I'm so bored with school? I know that people say it all the time, that when it's over you're gonna miss it and that's the best time of your life and so on. Yeah right, they say it because they've been through it, I haven't. So I'm sill gonna whine to myself everyday until it ends. Should I miss it then, I'll say it.
So it is starting all over again huh? I mean school. Homework and then projects, more interestingly this semester, we've got group projects. I know I may not show it and I always try not to, but I'm a nervous wreck sometimes. If I have to do something I've never done before and drop all my confidence on the ground, I'll get all jittery. So group projects, we'll see how it goes.
The time when I feel the most comfy and easy is working at the library. And at home watch Grey's. Like seriously, I like the feeling when I get out of class and go to the library and start my 4 hours every week day. I get things to do, put call numbers on books, go shelve, pick up books and reshelve them, occasionally go pull out a book for Lindsay or work on some projects that require me to look for a tons of book to see if they're there or missing. I know, it doesn't sound too exciting but I mean somehow it feels good. 'Cause I'm doing something useful and productive, I'm making some money and I'm not worried about anything. It all becomes mellow when I'm in the library. The back of the main floor where I work, if you lean yourself against a shelve and look out through the glass wall, nobody from behind could see you (unless you're more than a little chubby). You could just stand there and look out you know, seeing all those people coming to and out of classes. Every day. Every season. Every kind of weather. When the leaves of my favorite tree are all green and fresh. When they turn red. And when there are no leaves at all. That feeling when you can just stand there and look at people walking towards different directions on campus through a glass wall, and you're inside this building where the loudness sinks and comes to a halt, and you're not trying to cram for an exam or doing some crazy research for a project. You're not in a hurry. Nobody's pushing a deadline on you. You just stand there holding some books you just pick up, doing your job in a mellow flow. Like that's a privilege of all yours in that moment. Do you get what I'm trying to say?
I feel uneasy in class. That's why I feel so easy in the library. Everyone in class has that look and talk that talk like they're really into this thing they're doing. Like how Windows 8 is gonna suck (which I don't agree after I read some articles about it just to update myself about what's going in this world of technology and then I gave up the idea of reading about technology on a regular basis shortly after). Like how they're trying to get an internship or a job after this semester. I don't know anything of that sort. I don't know what's there to talk to them. And the most important thing is, at this moment, I'm still not sure if I'm as into this as they are. I can't say "Hey did you see the latest episode of Modern Family? Cam is hilarious." or "Goshhh I may fall for Burke". The look I have and the talk I wanna talk doesn't fit it. Where the problem lies I don't even care anymore. It is just the way it is. What I have learned through out high school here and home, and college, if you don't fit it even after you try to, then just drop it, just stop trying because you really don't belong there.
Ok. I'm done. I need to go through Criminology slides before I go to bed. I've been trying to make it before midnight everyday so that I wouldn't get all stressed out because I don't get good sleep and start breaking out again.
By the way, Tet has brought me a little comfort and piece even here just to think of all the things my family and you guys are doing. Happy New Year all! I wish peace for my family, unexpected fun for you guys, and then good health and laughter for all of us.
It's a new start. Go ahead and grab it.
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